Next installment from Tim Keller series on I Cor 13
Love is patient... it does not keep a record of wrongs.
Matt 18:21-35
The parable of the unforgiving servant
Patience - long tempered – refers to metals that melt only at high temperatures. Long suffering… spiritual patience is the inner power to bear injury and sufferings without meltdown. This is a choice to bear your sufferings; you choose to accept them, not to let them steal your joy.
To bear others resentment/injury without meltdown – a forgiving spirit.
Hebrews 12:15 – Take care lest any harboring root of bitterness, which springing up, defiles many. Why is anger depicted as a root? We always minimize and hide anger. It works in a hidden way. Long suffering counteracts this when we don’t let other people change us. If we don’t forgive, it infects a long grade spiritual fever that can fester and “spring up”.
What is a forgiving spirit? 3 things that you need to do to have a forgiving spirit. Took pity, canceled the debt, and let him go. First aspect – do not take revenge; you pay down the emotional debt. Most people make the other person pay. Don’t harbor, gossip, slander, etc. Seeing the other person hurt may make you feel better, but it passes into you and melted you. If you make the other person pay, it changes you… it controls you. Pay it down yourself, absorb it. Don’t just ignore it, absorb it. It hurts, it’s hard. It’s costly to you, but slowly the anger will go out. Depending on the size of the wrong, it can take at long time. But you are free, you have maintained your shape, you haven’t had a meltdown.
Second, he was moved with compassion – took pity. Our first reaction when wronged is to stress the differences. If order to have a forgiving spirit, you have to stress the commonalities, not the differences. Deep in all us is a desire to justify ourselves. So when wronged you immediately need to feel better by feeling more superior to the other person. But when you stress commonality, you see that you can be just as harsh, just as stupid, just as wrong sometimes yourself. “I am fallible. I am weak. I am confused. I am mixture of good and evil. So is this person.” If you do that, you get your freedom.
Third thing – no revenge, identify with the person, and then let them go. Our first response can be to demand justice. If you don’t first personally forgive, you’ll never get justice. Without a forgiving spirit, you are really seeking revenge which is selfish, not loving. The last mark of a forgiving spirit is it doesn’t like conflict, but it doesn’t avoid it. It doesn’t do vengeance, but it doesn’t avoid confrontation. When you move out into the world like that, you and you alone will be free.
One more point – how are we ever going to do this? “Take pity” is the Greek word used about Jesus more than any other word. When we seek justice, we are like this servant who chose to act like a king and throw his friend into jail. We have to behold the King who became a servant, who came knowing, not that he MIGHT lose it all, but that he WOULD lose it all. He came and died with the last words, “It is finished.” Which literally it means, “It is paid.” If you look at all HE has done for you, the infinite debt for everyone, you can be glad to show him how much you love him for doing that by doing it for others. You are dearly loved, so be patient, live with a forgiving spirit. THEN you will be free.
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