Becoming Unnumbed

So, I think some have been trying to figure me out the past few years.  It seems I have been "wrecked".  I started reading a book by the same title written by Jeff Goins, and so far it sums things up pretty well.

To be wrecked begins with an experience that pulls you out of your comfort zone and self-centeredness, whether you want it to or not. Your old narcissistic dreams begin to fade in light of something bigger, something better. The process leaves you battered and broken after the “real world” has slammed up against your ideals a couple dozen times. What’s left standing is a new paradigm. It’s hard, but it’s good. It’s incredible and indelible. It’s tough, but only in the way that all things worth fighting for are tough. Being wrecked means everything you believe—everything you know about yourself, your world, and your destiny—is now in question. Because you’ve seen something bigger. And you can’t go back. At first the process is disorienting. It calls out the greatest parts of you, the parts you might be afraid of. It tests your courage, the very fibers of your being. This may very well be why we avoid conflict. It calls into question that which we are most afraid of—ourselves. And in the end, you’re not who you were before. You’re different. You’re changed. Your old life begins to make less and less sense in light of your new priorities. Everything that used to matter now feels arbitrary. And it seems futile to try rebuilding the old way of doing life. As confusing or as difficult as that may be, it’s good.

Then later Jeff adds:

Maybe you and I are hanging by a thread of grace for most of our lives and we’re expected to be humble, not haughty, with the breaks we’ve been given. Maybe we’re supposed to pay good deeds forward. Maybe we’re supposed to think what’s in it for me? far less than we do. Maybe we need to sacrifice more. Maybe it won’t feel like a sacrifice at all, but more like the sensation of becoming unnumbed. 

Unnumbed... I like that word. You know that feeling after the dentist when your lips start getting their feeling back.  You suddenly realize, hey I feel that.  That's kind of like what I have been going through the past few years.